Brand Safe – 20 Things You’ll Definitely Understand If You Have A Latina Mom
Remember those years of childhood when you slowly started to realize your family wasn’t like your white friend’s families? Now that you’re grown, we present you the tip of the iceberg: just twenty things that made your mom different from the other moms.
You were never allowed to go to the super-chaperoned and G-rated sleepover parties.
The invites didn’t include background checks on both parents or a letter of recommendation from the priest? Can’t be trusted. You’re staying home and watching a novela with your mama and you’re going to be happy about it.
Your mom cooked for a dozen people, cada noche.
You know, just in case your friends came over. Dinner at your house meant that everyone was guilted into eating a second or third helping. We roll our guests out and it is just a part of our culture.
Your mom made you eat dinner at home before going to your friends’ for dinner.
“We eat dinner as a family.” Super frustrating when your family is the only one that eats past 9 p.m. Plus, mom could never be sure if you were to have real comida at your friend’s house. What if they order pizza? She can’t let her angel be out there eating bad food, can she?
Your mom is tight with God, so her word is basically His.
Legit. Everything you wanted to do or asked for had to be screened by mom and she was ready with the word of the Lord. If it wasn’t approved by el Papa, good luck.
You can’t bring them anywhere without causing a scene.
At first, you were embarrassed, and now it just makes you smile. You never understood why she would get so angry with people in public until you became an adult. Now you know why she got so upset because some people are just, well, dumb.
You have no fighting chance against a mamá enojada.
I mean, we tried. We really tried to stand up for ourselves but it was no use. We know better now and would never try such nonsense. It is still puzzling to us to see our non-Latino friends saying things to their mothers that would have gotten us slapped.
The only thing she needed to say to shut down all logic was this:
Oh, and there were no rules. Just whims. Come home at 9 p.m. at any given night and it could be, “Am I supposed to wait up for you?” or “Wow, it’s so early, honey, get out of here. Have fun.”
You’re scarred from what therapists everywhere are calling ’emotional abuse.’
Literally, our parents had it so easy. We know better now than to shame or threaten a kid for crying. However, back in the day, it was the best way to get us to quiet down so we didn’t cause scenes in front of her friends.
Your mom will call the police if you miss a call from her.
Caption: “When I have a missed call from my mom these are the text messages I get”
It’s amazing how quickly they can turn any situation into a kidnapping. Like, we just want to be able to enjoy our lives without being yelled at or threatened.
Don’t expect to get brownie points with compliments.
Like, this was supposed to be an adult child bonding moment, mami. Instead, she was able to cut her child down to size like all of our parents do. We can feel the burn radiating through the image.
Your mom was never going to comfort you when you hurt yourself.
Never. If you got hurt, you better hope it was something that would heal fast and before she noticed. It’s still a mystery to many why getting hurt was something that would make mom so upset.
She saved you from endless illnesses by forcing you to wear socks.
Nothing will get you sicker than walking around the world barefoot. This is just a fact that everyone knows. Want to get sick? Be barefoot. Want to live to 120? Always wear socks inside.
Your mom never let you experience a chill. Not once in your life.
That’s why we want to cry when it reaches 60 degrees. No? Just me? Didn’t think so. It is the first step to prevent all preventable and incurable diseases, according to our moms.
Your mom taught you that if it doesn’t burn, it’s not working.
Doctors will tell you not to put VapoRub in your eyes, but our mamis swear it’s what Jesus used to heal the blind. Okay, that was too far. But this is the most versatile healing cream know the Latino-kind.
She also taught you to never, ever get bored.
We all learned how to look busy or stressed so that our mom’s wouldn’t tap us to pull hair out of our sister’s clogged drain. Oy.
She taught you that Saturday mornings are not for resting.
They’re for aggressively cleaning the house to the tune of whatever cumbia she wants. We’re all our mothers.
Our Latina moms taught us to treat every air plant like her own hijos.
Don’t ask me why, but all my tías come bearing air plants as gifts, whispering under their breath that they stole it from so-and-so’s yard.
Latina moms instill the most vivid imagination in their kids with their own childhood stories.
Yes to La Llorona and yes to all the Latin folklore. But also yes to witnessing UFO sightings above the Empire State Building and being Italian militiamen in past lives?
You probably had no say in your Halloween costume.
At least if you were a girl. I wanted to be Batman but my mom made me be a Flamenco dancer for four years in a row.
You know that this slipper could be used as a weapon at any given moment.
But you also see this slipper and are having a major nostalgia moment, because only your Latina friends wore them. Miss you, the 90s, but glad we’re all grown up!
This is perfectly safe.